when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
