My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
