I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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