I think my fart just growled at me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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