DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
