"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
