I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
