I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
