It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will pee on everything he values.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
