And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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