I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
