I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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