I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
