You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
