Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize