maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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