Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
