the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
