real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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