i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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