apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
