I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
