I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
