well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
