Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize