I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
