dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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