Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
