Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize