I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
