Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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