Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
