he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
