I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
