when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
