So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
