so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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