She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
