he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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