Your mouth is God's brothel.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
