Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
