I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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