I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
