You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there's paper in my vomit.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
