why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
