I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
