i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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