Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I cockslap morals

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(904): View more from Florida

im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!

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(754): View more from Florida

do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?

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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.

(623): View more from Arizona

Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(949): View more from California

Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way

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(903): View more from Texas

He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?

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(941): View more from Florida

We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.

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(914): View more from New York

Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.

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