Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!