she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
