and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Send help, water and tortillas.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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