I cockslap morals
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.