Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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