so that wasnt chicken after all
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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