seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
