I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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