...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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