I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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