dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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