; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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