i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
