the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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