Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
