What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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