I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
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