I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
