either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
