he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My penis needs a shock collar
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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