Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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