Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
