Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
