Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
