Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
