I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
