If i come over, it means nothing
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
