peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
