his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
