Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
