And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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