Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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