dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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