i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Randomize
