she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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