They should really pass out barf bags in church
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
