I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im having a threesome with these popsicles
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
