Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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