Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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