I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
